Shoveling snow!

Since our 'snowmaggeden' we have supposedly experienced, J has been shovelling the snow as his superintendent duties. He would come home to a drive way loaded with snow, sigh and grab the shovel in acceptance. The first time he shovelled, I quickly jumped inside to keep myself warm. After an hour by myself, bored as heck.. I decided to go out there to entertain myself. I quickly finished a few minutes afterwards.
A couple of days later, as snow was falling to the ground, J took the shovel once again. I decided to stay outside with him while I smoked my cigerette and do what I do best: supervise! I could tell it was heavy work as he huffed and puffed, pushing, lifting this 1 day old heavy snow across the drive way. As courtesy, I decided to offer help and of course, he took it. After 10 mins, I couldn't take it anymore so he took over. I knew shovelling snow was hard work but not as I hard as I thought it would be!

J shovelling snow while I kept him entertained

Yesterday, (after yet another snowfall) the snow once again returned. The boys were too much in a rush to get to their superbowl party to shovel any snow. As I returned to home, the driveway was packed with snow. My friend, C, and I had organized a homework day to work on our projects. I knew she would be wearing heels (we planned to do a photoshoot) so I didn't want her to slip and slide down to her skinny and fragile knees. I decided to shovel the snow.
Let me tell you, it was friggin' hard work! Thankfully to Body Break, they gave tips on how to properly shovel snow without breaking your back and straining your body.
I took the tips. After an hour, I could feel my legs burning. My shoulders felt like I was doing pure weight lifts.

It felt like I came back from the gym

Because I couldn't make it to the gym during the weekend, I thought that this was a good source of exercie.. and it's only outside of my house!
I wanted to really see how much snow shovelling would work as a workout. I found many sources indicating that shovelling snow is a really good source of cardio and weight training!

Only 15 mins of snow shovelling counts as moderate physical activity!

Can you say score!!! Just imagine, I shovelled snow for more than hour!

Warning: many sources have also mentioned that snow shovelling is the cause of heart attacks. Yep! Because of the sudden cold air the body emerges itself in, one's heart rate can be greatly increased in a short period of time. Your breathing can be shortened, adding strain to your body.
Not to worry! Below are tips on how to avoid such problems:

• If you have heart or back problems, shovelling snow is def not for you!
• Like any other work out, warming up, stretching, and cooling down is neccessary!
• If you need to, take breaks!
• Remember, lift with your legs (like doing lunges and squats. Imagine your shovel as weights); concentrate on your shoulders and back when throwing snow (and biceps, triceps will follow!)
• do not twist while throwing snow. Throw snow in front of you. This is how many people can strain their backs
• dress warmly! I usually bundle up but end up taking a layer off through half of it! (gloves are very neccessary!)
• break up ice with your legs. Well this one is my persoanl tip to you. J uses his arms to do so because he has strong muscles. For me, I use my legs to go real deep!
• Push, not lift snow across. I usually push the snow across the driveway to one pile (or one row) then throw it on the lawn. I'd repeat for all rows.
• I lift with as much snow as I can. Don't over do it.

I think I'm the only one looking forward to shovelling snow. Regardless, if you can't make it to the gym that day, shovel snow... and if you're really good at it, you can also start a business! lol

heart facts

When I made the dedication to take charge of my own body a few years ago, I consulted my bf (who, back then was actually sexy and fit) about some exercise tips. (Mind you, I used to be a size 1-2 when I was back in highschool so working out for me was new when I gained weight. ) He indicated that the most important thing I could do is to monitor my heart rate. Increasing your heart rate will determine the intensity of your work out, to determine if what you're actually doing will affect your body in a healthy way.
Of course, I took this piece of information very.. heartedly (LOL) and used it as a guideline for my workouts. As you may know, there are different zones of heart rate:

Above is a chart of where your heart rate is supposed to be. Personally, I try to aim for the cardiovascular performance because I'm burning as many calories as I can as well as increasing the strength of my lungs and heart.

I have to admit though, I am a smoker and if you're a smoker, don't be discouraged from achieving these heart rates. Even though I am a smoker, I find that I can still breathe as well as other non-smokers but I am working more than them as well. And because I am a smoker, my endurance is short lived than those of non smokers - another reason why I try to stay in this zone. Anything higher or anything lower will not benefit my body.

Something quite interesting happened yesterday when I was on the elyptical : I usually put my iphone on house, reggae or soca while doing my cardio. Yesterday I put it on shuffle. I've noticed that my heart rate significantly dropped when I was listening to slower songs even though I'm going the same pace and intensity. I shared this experience with J, he mentioned that that's why I should always focus on what I'm doing. He has always stressed the fact that some people merely focus on their exercise and are just moving their legs, thus not getting anything from their workout. He said that even though you're at the same intensity with a slower song than a faster song, your mind and body works the together.
I thought this was quite interesting and looked up how music can affect one's heart rate. This morning, I googled "heart rate music affects." I've found that many sources have mentioned that universities concluded the tempo of your music greatly affects your heart rate. The most interesting part is that the perference or type of music chosen doesn't affect it at all; it's the tempo and beat that does.

Just thought I'd share this with you because... well, I find it quite interesting. You can control your heart rate by the type of music you choose while working out :)

Number 5

This is my second last term of my program =S and yes, I am scared. Next semester, I'll be off to internship for half of it and hopefully I'll stabilize myself with a full time job. I'm in desperate need of a full time... especially because I owe J 5 years of financial support lol
Right now, I'm getting ahead of myself...Let me start with this:

In semester 5 (my current semester), I have a class that is dedicated to my portfolio. I'm quite grateful that I have someone that can guide me through this process. Unlike other programs, I find that they don't quite help students individually to develop and present this piece of yourself to potential employers.
Last week, I showed all of my good stuff to my coordinator. She liked most of it but gave me two assignments I can work on: an interactive magazine (SURFACE magazine will be the one I'll be redesigning) and a photography poster (a poster that I have something in mind).
Currently, I think I just "discovered" my personal logo. I think it's very me (the colours I chose) but most importantly, I think it works well artistically and conceptually.
We had to display our logo concepts for class critique. I have to admit, I think mine looks the best because of the concept I had in mind. Other girls did the usual flowers and cursive shit... and while the guys did the usual whateverness. With mine, I think it's... clever. Exactly what I want to show to my potential employers.
I'm also currently designing my personal stationary, business card and envelope. My stationary will involve my resume... I brought my laptop to work to work on it and I have to admit, today is the day my creative juices are finally flowing!!! (hopefully I don't lose it after I'm done typing this)
On top of that, I'm currently doing a flash website... something I'm gonna struggle with but hopefully it won't be too frustrating.
Other projects I'm currently working on are:

• ad campaign for zipcar - 3 billboard concepts, a mail-in flyer and a catalogue
• distillery district re-id - a logo, wayfinding, and poster

The logo for the distillery district was a bit hard for me to come up with... especially because the current one truly characterizes the district anyway.

So far, i'm very much enjoying the projects we're working on. I think this is what I've been waiting for for the past 2 years.

TRX Circuit

I get really bored of the same routines. I find that my motivation is in the challenge of my physical ability. If I find myself yawning in a class, that's when I know I gotta try something new.
The cousin and I have made a pact with eachother that we should be involved in a sport or physical activity every summer. (Mostly in the summer because that's when I have the most free time but hopefully when I start working FT, it'll change) Last summer was kickboxing and hot yoga. On top of that, the cousin would also attend combat classes at goodlife (what a trooper!) This summer we are planning to do boot camp. Hopefully the trial period we're planning to do will be challenging enough for us and HOPEFULLY price will be good too!
I actually found another place we can and hopefully will challenge physcial and mental strength:

TRX Suspension Trainer

Yep, it's basically a resistance band suspended from a door frame or the ceiling. It uses the traditional fitness techniques but caters to the band. You use your body weight for weight training but can incorporate circuits to combine the ultimate weight training and cardio combo in one. I'd really like to try it but since the equipment is limited in Toronto gyms, I can only hope it will go up to North York! =S

Nonetheless, if you're interested, here's the link.

A new beginning.... again?

Earlier this month, I've noticed that I've been getting pretty chunky lately. Not unusual of course because of my eating habits but the more and more I look at myself in the mirror, the more and more I am quite dissatisfied with how my body looks. This sort of emotion has furthered dissatisfaction yesterday. I went to Fairview to look for something to wear on tonight for my sister's 30th birthday.

We are going for dinner at a Winterlicious Chinese restaurant, then heading to a party called the Shuffle Party. I'm quite excited because this party happens for only once a month... and the music is friggin' crazy! Imagine... putting your ipod on shuffle... at a club!!!

As I was trying on things, I've noticed that this huge piece of miztran fat has been juking out of everything I tried! My spare tire has definately inflated over the past months of non exercise.
With this dissatisfaction, there is always a solution - eating healthy and working out. Just like over the summer when the cousin, Katie and I used to go to kickboxing and hot yoga religiously, I think I'm def gonna do the same routine.
Earlier this year, I started blogging again about my out lifestyle change. It changed for a bit, I def got slimmer, gained some visible muscles and lost about 5lbs. It was pretty amazing how hot I kind of looked without my rolls. But nonetheless, I am trying to stick with it every day.

Losing weight is 20% exercise & 80% nutrition!

Monday, I went to the supermarket to look for some healthy lunches for school and work. Not only do I save a hell lot of money, I also really benefit from eating my usual salad with almonds and cashews (no salad dressing!), tamatoes, and cucumbers. I pack either a wrap or whole grain sandwich filled with my favorite deli meats & cheese - hot mortadella, lean smoked turkey and jalapeno style harvati or spicy monteray jack (no mayo, of course!). I find that adding a kick to my sandwich doesn't make it dry nor dissatisfying.
I had this ingenious idea of using filling my sandwich with lots of my spring mix salad, tomatoes and cucumbers. I just compile my veggies and sandwich right before I eat.
To tell you the truth, I am quite happy with what I have for lunch everyday and look forward to eating it.
Now that lunch is covered, I just gotta think of convenient type foods that I can eat for breakfast. My dilemma is that, well I'm always on the go. It usually takes me 30mins to get ready and once I'm done visually prepping for the day, I head out as quickly as I can.

Researchers have found that those who eat a large breakfast every day are more likely to lose weight

I want something that I can eat while driving (and even though dangerous), it is the quickest solution I can think of.

Eating breakfast an hour within you wake up is highly recommended for those who want to lose weight



[ I got a break through just now!!!! lol ]

This morning, J blended me a hearty strawberry, banana shake filled with flax seed and orange juice. I think I'm gonna have J's delicious fruit shake every morning for breakfast! That's perfect, right!!!?? It fills me up quite perfectly, made from real fruits, tastes good AND probably covers my fruit and veggie daily recommended intake every day! Not to mention, it's friggin' convenient!

--------------

As for my exercise routine, I've decided to weight train at least twice a week and cardio four five times a week (if time permits). Weekends are my off days where I can do homework. This will be work out schedule (if you're curious):

Monday: Combat/Cardio
Tuesday: Pump & Cardio
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Pump & Combat
Friday: Cardio

I'm not sure if I want to get into hot yoga again. The reason why I stopped going was because 1. the owners decided to cut the cheap class and 2. it wasn't challenging enough. Maybe I can look relook the schedule to see if I can do it Fridays again? But one thing is for sure: it'll be challenging once again.

Another thing, the cousin and I have bought vouchers to a kickboxing gym. It was $20 for 20 classes! Fucken amazing! I hope we get to start this once again! I'm thinking that we should start going either in March or Feb, and go once a week.

Honestly, I love working out. The love hate eating healthy but hey, that's sacrifice for ya!

Where do I stand?

I've been feeling a little under the weather lately... not physically, but emotionally. Since my trip to Xmas, I've been feeling a bit unappreciated. I find myself reclusive from social events. I thought it was stress from school and perhaps the decline of employment but I find that my social circle isn't there anymore.
I find that I have to make plans with people while they don't bother doing the same for me. It questions the utter friendship we have together. I find myself analyzing if it's worth it.
Last Friday, I was very furious at a certain friend - or so I thought he was. The sequence of events of the night made me question if anyone actually considers how I feel sometimes? I have to admit that, I have conformed to this robot of a friend who is passive etc. That is due to the fact that I don't want to emerge any conflicts between J and his guy friends.
To elaborate -- last week, J, JR, and R asked me if I wanted to go to the casino on Friday night. Not having any plans (and despite that I don't gamble) I decided to take on that offer. Mostly because I haven't spent some good ol' quality time with the guys out. (I couldn't care less of the gambling) R is not a big gambler himself so we decided to bring $40 each and combine our fortunes to hopefully make a profit. I was quite excited as everything was going very smoothly -- or so I thought.
An hour before we were supposed to head out... and right when I got into the car from the taking out cash for the night, J asked me, "How would you feel if it was a guy's night out?"
I felt fucken furious when I heard that. Fucken Furious.
Apparently S wanted a guys night out at the very fucken last minute.
Let's recount -- I was the only girl going.
Do you see something wrong here?
Not only was I de-invited to this fucken shot gun 'guys night out,' J didn't even stand up for me. He wouldn't even look at it in my view and MAYBE suggested to the guys that

1. it was friggin' 10pm at night and I had not plans but to go chill with them
2. it wasn't apparent enough for him to stand up to his friends and say, 'hey, maybe it would be inappropriate to pull this because she's the ONLY girl going?'

The lack of actions I've experienced from J made me really question the relationship we have together. The fact that he didn't quite consider my feeling in this whole ordeal was something to ponder.
I've never, ever, asked him to choose me over his friends but I find that there is this constant battle between me and his friends --- and I'm certainly not the one who starts it. I feel that he doesn't realize this. Whenever this emerges, I feel that he's always choosing them over me.
With this in mind, I feel like he's actually not considering how I feel in the scheme of things.
The pressure of our big 5 is coming up and I feel that things have been quite different. Because of this thing, I question if this is the battle I have to endure through out my future with him? If so, I'm not up to it.

A few weekends ago, I was chilling with JR one Sunday night after the guys left. R came over... and randomly asked, "If J asked you to marry him now, would you?" I tried to avoid answering and replied with a joke. He looked at me seriously.
"I don't know," I replied.
"You don't know?" He looked astonished, confused, surprised - not expecting this uncertain answer from me.
It's true. I really don't know if I really want to committ to someone who has friends that make him choose between me and them. I don't want to go through this constant battle of attention throughout my life.

The day after the casino night, I told JR how I felt towards S proposing this shot gun 'guys night out.' He said to me that he didn't even consider my aspect, or I felt. I was truly blessed to hear the truth from him.
He argued that the only reason why S proposed this was because he didn't want his gf to go. My reply?
"How is this my problem? Why did I have to be so called punished for this shit? Something that doesn't involve me? and yes, it did involve me indirectly... but why didn't HE consult me first?"
To me, that just showed that NONE of the guys AND my BF didn't even consider how I effin' felt.
This, in itself infuriated me.

Lately, I've been feeling this sort of anger towards J. He said that next time, he would consider how I felt in situations like this.... but for some sort of reason, I don't believe him.

In turn, I think this would be the demise of our relationship.

Merry (belated) Xmas?

My cousin's blog kind of motivated me to blog about this... and heck.. as all of my blogs go, It's pretty much about how I'm feeling at this current moment and the thoughts that are going be streaming out of my mind...

side note: if i don't make sense, I don't really care. Figure it out lol

I guess i'll start with my xmas...

My family doesn't celebrate xmas. Nope, we used to have a tree when i was younger but my mom decided to not have it anymore because no one would initate to bring it down... and to tell you the truth, we are just a bunch of lazy viet ppl who don't really care. ever since then, we haven't celebrated xmas.
On friday after working, I went over to Joo's place. I little depressed the whole day because my friend was invited to this annual xmas eve party... but i wasn't. I was lil' embarrassed because the host actually called me out about it and told me not to be foolish so of course, (because by default) i was invited. whatever. i'll leave that behind me.
Our family's (j's fam) don't quite celebrate xmas so we (I) decided that we should just go out for dinner just the two of us. We ended up going to the Keg (not our first choice but everything was closed) and had a steak dinner. It was pleasant because we rarely get to out by ourselves on such a special occasion :)
After we ordered, I surprised him with his gift. He was utterly surprised that I got him what he wanted for so long (because I'm also utterly broke). he was grateful for it ... and i'm grateful that I gave it to him.
During the course of our dinner, I am still amazed that we can still carry on our silly conversations after so many years. It felt quite nice.
On xmas day, I really had nothing to do. I knew everyone had plans so I decided to dedicate that day to sleeping in and cleaning my (hurricaned) room. Yes, Re and cousin, you guys would be proud of me!!! It is quite clean and organized! Hopefully it will last when you guys can come over to witness this!! lol
I also did my nails, cleaned my washroom took a shower then headed over to j's parents house to spend some time with him and his fam. Even though I got there around midnight, it was pleasant to see J and his fam happy to just watch transformers from tv. We didn't stay long after that.
The next day, I was dragged to the mall by my younger sisters to go boxing day shopping. I guess they're at that age where they need to go boxing day shopping. regardless, it was fun and pleasant... tiring but spent some good quality time with my sisters.

I didn't really do much during my break. (I didn't know I had the Monday AND Tuesday off until the Thursday before lol so I didn't plan anything)

As I was reading my cousin's blog entry about her xmas break... I kind of felt the same way. Yes, I did. That lonely, no plans type of thing. That very day, I thought to myself what if J was no longer in my life. What back up plans should I consider to doing instead of sulking around and thinking about this and that?
I then thought about my sisters and family.
So i'm proposing to you cousin, that if you ever feel lonely regardless of the day, please do not hesitate to call me. I always look forward to seeing you and even though sometimes our schedules do not correspond, we eventually always make it correspond. So next year on xmas day or xmas eve or even boxing day - or whenever you do feel lonely - don't be. I am more than glad to spend your lonely day with you :)

Another note, (I'm not sure if i should disclose this on my blog but i'm going to do it anyway) I've been invited to a party next month in which I do not want to go. I think after this party and this whole thing that is causing this party, I've decided leave our friendship behind. When I say behind, I mean behind in 2010. 2011 will be a new year and fresh decade to start with (which reminds me that i will have to do another 2010 flashback posting and a 2011 resolution posting.. maybe tmr?) I think our friendship has seen its strains. Our common interests are slowly fading and I find myself kind of dreading to see you. I'm sorry to say this but I really don't know what to do?

Electric Car

Yesterday night I was going through my usual readings and came upon this article in the toronto star app:

Wanted: Electric car lovers
Toronto Hydro is looking for another 16 volunteers to try driving electrically for the next four years.
They’ll even pay for the juice.

You can find the article here & the official website here

I was quite interested in the article, especially because it's about electric cars. I've always wanted to try an electric/hybrid car. I told J about this article who advised me that I should apply for the program. The only problem is that, I can't afford it. Because I'm in school and only work once a week, my pay cheque all goes to the debt I've encountered through my visa. With this being said, my parents have decided to open an amex for me where they pay for all my gas. Yes good deal it is! My parents spend a lot in gas in a month. So i'm hoping that if i propose this lease to them, they're be convinced that I won't be spending a lot in gas! Especially when the charging doesn't cost me a dime and maintenance isn't too bad either!

I'm gonna ask them tonight and see what they think! Hopefully they agree! =D Wish me luck!

IMC and more

I really want to get into blogging again but been way too busy to update. With IMC projects - interactive, package, ads, POP etc etc - and with the annual report, I've been busying myself with design. Not to mention, I have a corporate identity manual to design for my healthy energy drink brand to work on as well. Flash class has been a mish mash of stupidness but we won't get into that.

Good news though! Our package design has finally been approved! I'm excited!
For the past 4 weeks, my group has been giving our prof a new concept and design each week and each week it kept getting rejected.
So with this new design approved, we can finally move on to the rest of our connecting projects for this package - web design, interface design (prob for the iphone app), social media, consumer & retails ads and finally our presentation. We have about a month to get everything done. This is where me and C work on the ads and J work on the interactive part. Time to hype it up! We have such a unique brand that we can seriously take all our toy to the next level.
On that note, I'm very happy with my group. I think we work very well together and all have a passion for design. A couple of our guys have even ignored their AR (because they've been illustrating our package since we started) to work on this package. I'm very proud of them and being the self-proclaimed group leader (aka the person who organizes and forces people to be on our deadlines), I think we work very well as a group. S & M, they've been incredible with the illustrations. Their talent has been a marvel to all of us! J has been managing all of our production and will be working on our interactive part. C's really good at photocopying (lol kidding) no, her feedback on everything has been essential. I'm looking forward to working with her in our ads which will be type based (but we'll see!).

I guess onto another note: My annual report for Adidas has been going very well as well! As of right now, I've already finished up finessing type and spatial relationships. Now, I'm currently working on the spreads that celebrate the brand, the cover, front cover, back cover and inside back cover. The most important spreads! Hopefully it all turns out well because I think this will be an important piece in my portfolio.
Another project I've been very excited to work on is my corporate manual for my logo/signature I've designed. I'm extremely happy with the outcome of my signature/logo for the brand elan (an healthy energy drink, targetted for the sophisticated crowd). Initially, we had to go into groups and all think of names for this new brand. I didn't quite want it to be named elan but meh. Out of all the brands i've seen for elan, I think mine is the most effective with a high concentration on abstract conceptual thinking. (I got that A+ for a reason, right!?! lol) I thought that corporate design would be weakness, just like illustrating, but I guess not.

Anyhow, I think that's it. I really want to post up my work but don't think I'll be doing it until the semester is done (hopefully if I don't get too busy with ft work and laziness).

My Birthday coming up!

As you may all know, my birthday is coming up. Like every other year, I'm really excited about it because.... I feel special :) And whatever goes, GOES!

I know that a lot of you have trouble getting me gifts. I really don't blame you because I don't even know what I want for my birthday. Every year, I always want one thing and that one thing usually just goes to Joo because I don't really want him running around doing stuff for me on my bday (he's got better things to do such as researching a really good resto for our dinner date).
And if you know me, I'm not the materialistic type of person. I don't really go shopping anymore and I'm not into make up. I don't care about designer shit (except for sunglassess in which I have two pairs already) and don't care for useless, decorative things. What I do say every year to those who ask me what I want for my birthday is to spend my birthday with me. That's all. I invite ppl for a reason and that reason is to build memories :)

However, this year, I'm not going to say that. I'm sorry for being selfish but I think after this semester, I'd really like to get away.... With this being said, here's my devious birthday plan.

I want to go to Florida

yep, I said it. I want to go to Florida. With this being said, I am officially accepting donations/gifts to the "Pauline's going to Florida" Fund. This fund will help me pay for my flight there (which is going to be the most expensive thing I have to pay for). I'm planning to go early January so if you're also thinking about getting me a xmas gift, this is it! =D

Anything would help.

Thank you :)

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Since I've changed my layout, my pics don't fit into the fitted box. This is the thing about web design. I have no idea how these web master do it!!?? I can officially say that web design is definitely NOT my thing. On a good note though, (I know I'm a bit behind), I figured out that the InDesign in CS5 allows for interactive components. I can design a website/animation and import it into flash and/or dreamweaver.
[update!:] (sorry I wrote that earlier in class because I didn't want to listen to my prof ramble on about how to use the pen tool in illustrator. Goodness, you would think that after 4 semesters and one huge illustrator project last term, people in my class would be able to maser it! Anyway, my prof just showed us how to import a series of illustrator layers into an animation in flash! He practically did our flash assignment in 10 mins! lol it took my flash prof 6 WEEKS to teach us the same thing! wow!

Freedom March 2010

So my views on drugs and alcohol. This is what I have to say:
alcohol = good
drugs = meh

I know drugs in general are a big no no in our society. It's frowned upon yet there is a secret society out there where the most unexpected people do drugs. To me, different kinds of drugs have different kinds of degrees. The lowest grade drug, to me, is marijuana. I believe it's harmless compared to other drugs out there. And trust me, when I was a teenager, I tried drugs.
Not only marijuana, but k (horse tranquilizer) and e. I, personally, did not feel anything when I sniffed k. I have seen people on k and they tripped out to a point where they thought they were in another world.
E, meh. I took the emotional kind of e. You get really emotional, say things that you wouldn't normally say. It's kind of weird actually. I didn't like the buzz when I was on it because I didn't like the tired-hyperness of it (it makes you stay awake) and the grinding of the teeth pissed me off.
In general, I wouldn't want my younger siblings to do drugs due to the fear of them being addicted to it. In my last year at York, I took a course called "addiction & society." One of the requirements for the course was to read two books: one was about a doctor from Vancouver who treated a well known neighborhood that's known for their addicts; the other one was a collection of notes from writers who has recalled their memories of them being addicted to some sort of drug or alcohol. After this course, it really opened my mind to a lot of things. For instance, did you know that addiction is biological? Certain people are prone to addiction because of the lack of endorphins they have in their neurological system. All addicts have this trait because they're depressed. They don't realize they're depressed because all they want is to fill that void. And yes, depression is genetic. I mention this because my older sister has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression just a couple of months ago. Thankfully she realized this and seeked professional help. Others, not so much.
There has been a history of depression in my family. My uncle has died from alcoholism; my cousin in VN is addicted to heroin; and of course, my mother is addicted to work because it keeps her mind off things. Because of this, I fear that my sisters and brother will be addicted to drugs. Not only that, I fear that my children (with J) will be more prone to it because his family also has a history of depression and drug abuse.
So what's my view on drugs? I think every teenager should at least experiment with drugs. I say teenagers because they're the ones who do not have much responsibility in their life at the time. When I mean experiment, I mean, society itself shouldn't brush this taboo topic under the rug. Parents shouldn't hush their kids and restrict them from doing it. Supervision is key. If my kids want to smoke marijuana, fine. I'd rather them drink and do drugs at my house rather than doing it elsewhere where I don't know if they're dead or not.
I know, I have contrasting ideas. I think my last paragraph is most agreeable though. I say this because if my siblings wanted to do drugs, they can go ahead and do it. I just hope that they have good judgement when they continue it.

Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

I know it hasn't been a day yet... and yes I know... it hasn't even been 6 hours since my last post but I figured that I'd be wayyy too busy to update my blog so I'm gonna do it as much as I can now lol



But first, there are some few things I'd like to mention:

Yesterday, I spent the whole day eating lol I woke up with this massive headache followed by my stomach turning with hunger. I turned out that the night before (Saturday), I went out on a heavy drinking binge with the cousin and Re on an empty stomach. ouch. I know... Anyway, my point was that when JY and I went to meet his family for dinner, I was talking to his cousin's wife and found out that she has a blog. The thing that amazed me about her was that, well she's a mother of twin boys (babies, under a year old) and she still manages to keep up with a blog! I think she is really what inspired me to keep blogging. Anyway, enough of that.. on to today's topic...

Where'd I like to be in 10 years?

Well, that's a bit hard to say, considering that I have the tendancy to change my whole life around with one simple decision. It's hard choosing your path in life and i'm pretty sure everyone agrees with me (hopefully). I've come to the conclusion that i shouldn't plan my life because well, it really never works out! For example, 10 years ago, I would imagine myself married or having a house to call my own! What am I doing today, right now at this instance? Typing up where I'd like to be in 10 years in a crummy corporate desk, bored to death because this job is really going no where. Ok, i'll be a little bit more optimistic (for some sort of reason, I'm terribly cranky due to lack of sleep because of school stress). I guess this is where I'd like to be in 10 years:

Above is me and my twin sisters.

This was the day that Em won her a trophy for being the number 1 team in her league. And that's where I want to be: be #1 in everything I do.
I know, it's high hopes... and I know that I'll probably be disapointed on the way there but that's it. I want to be one of the top graphic designers out there because I know I have the potential to be one. I'm not sure where I would specialize in but for now, I'm really liking the idea of designing annual reports.

As for my personal life, I'd really like to be married and with child(ren). I'll be 34 years old and J will be over 35 (wow) so hopefully our biological clock will be working in the next 6-10 years for us to do so!

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is

Him&me - Halloween 2009

Firstly, I'd like to mention that I have changed my layout. I know, booorrrriiinnnnngggg, right? Yes it is. At this current moment, I have no inspiration to really make things pretty (even though it is my job to do so). I've been drained of all design stuff so please, do not judge!

Why does this have to start with a relationship status? As if I'm blogging to meet someone out there?! Anywayy....

Yes, I am taken. I haven't been single for almost 5 years. To some, that's a long time. To me, it really doesn't feel like it.
If you know me, you know that my relationship with my boyfriend is great. We rarely argue because we try not get eachother upset. And that's the best part about it. I'd like to say that our relationship is based on compromise and understanding. Nothing else.
I love my boyfriend and I can't imagine a life without him.
Actually, I lied. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I hadn't have met my boyfriend? If I was currently single? I think it would be a very depressing one.
Before dating Joo, I was going through a rebuilding phase. A phase that allowed me to restart my life. When my ex and I broke up, it was horrifying. The only reason was because I really didn't have any friends to cry on except for one or two. But knowing me, I tried my best not to put my emotional state on their shoulders. I felt like I had no friends. And it was true, I didn't have any friends.. or a group of friends that I can go out with and leave my depressing state at home.
Anyway, my whole point was that, when I met my boyfriend, that was when my life re-started and that was when my rebuilding state has commenced.
I met friends through his friends... I socialized a lot more. The best part about my relationship with him is the fact that he allows me to go out and meet new people; to have fun with my girlfriends and just be me. That has never, ever changed.
He doesn't judge me for who I am. He encourages every thing I decide to do. And he's always there to support and help a lending hand to - not only me - but to my friends and family as well. He's a great guy and even though I get upset at the little things he does or lack of, I still love him for who he is and what he will become.

Yep, I guess you could that he's my number one fan :)

A new start...

I've been thinking about blogging more often now a days. Just something that I can outlet my emotions and recap my thoughts.
I went onto the cousin's blog (I check very often) and found this 30 day blogging this... Just thought it would be a great idea for me do it because it allows me to start blogging once again.

I don't have a lot of time so instead of doing this every day, I've decided that I'd take my time.

Also, I'm really not the type of person to tell everyone (even those who are close to me) about my very dark moments in life. To me, there's no point in resurfacing those memories but I will try my best.

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 04 - Your views on religion.

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.

Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop upDay 12 - Bullet your whole day

Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory.

Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.

Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.

Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.

Day 18 - Your beliefs.

Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.

Day 20 - How important you think education is.

Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.

Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.

Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.

Day 27 - A problem that you have had.

Day 28 - Something that you miss.

Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month

The progress

I know I haven't been updating this lately.. I haven't had the urge to actually write anything... but today, I've decided to share some really good news!

I lost 7 pounds since I started my "lifestyle" change.

Yep, that's huge news for me!

Reluctantly, I forced myself on the scale after our camping trip this past weekend. To my surprise, I've lost 2 pounds!!! How the hell did that happen???? I guess all that hard working with kickboxing, eating healthy and staying on top of things have really made my weight manageable. Since the beginning of this year, I've lost 7 pounds... and for those who know how hard it is to lose weight, it's hard to lose a pound!

But I'm really ecstatic that I can now declare myself under 120lbs =)

Rewind+Fastfoward

I havent' been here in quite some time. I apologize for those who have missed me (if there is anyone out there :S )

A few things I'd like to mention:

So it's about the 2nd month into my kickboxing training. I really enjoy it and don't regret cancelling my membership at Goodlife - well no, I lie. I do miss going to the gym with the cousin and showing off our bodypump skills. With this being said, I also miss bodypump.
Nonetheless, the kickboxing gym does have a weight room. Even though it's not that great, it'll do. Also, Seneca does have adequate facilities. Even thought I wish they have a pool, they do have a punching bag so I can def show off what I've learned from kickboxing there too.
I am actually proud to say that I 'kickbox.' Yes, that's right, I kickbox and will probably kickbox you out of the room as well lol I feel like people underestimate my strength and endurance because my short and small. Well beware bitches, I will cat fight you any time... and have girls to back me up as well! LOL

I realized that I strained my calf muscles during last week's classes. It hurt (and still does) like bitch. Because of this, I'm refraining from kickboxing this week for it to heal fully. I've heard horror story from the guys about not properly letting injuries heal and yes, it's scary. Russ recently had surgery on his knee after not taking care of its injuries properly. Now, me, Ram and Russ are out of order to do anything active because of this. Hopefully it heals this week so I can get back to my routine again.

On the topic of fitness, I've been still keeping up with my "lifestyle change" even though I don't post it up here. I've noticed that my spare tire has been shrinking bit by bit. It gives me motivation to wear that bikini in public again.

I've just read my cousin's blog... in which she mentions summer. Yes, this summer has been hot and steamy! So far, I've done a lot of things:

• Montreal - My summer started off with a long weekend trip with the girls. I've come to realize that my girls are everything - they keep me grounded. And although I probably don't show it or say it but I love you girls so much.
• Summerlicious & Aziz Ansari - This year, a group of us went to Toula Fine Italian Restaurant on the top of the Westin Harbour Castle Hotel by the lake. It was beautiful. The food average.
• Four year anniversary - If you guys know me and Joo, our anniversary is actually Feb 15, a day after vday. This year, we couldn't celebrate it because 1. That week was Chinese New Year 2. I had way too much homework to even think about going out 3. It was too cold. So we promised that we would celebrate it at a later date when we're both stress free and don't have a lot of things going on. We didn't realize that we would be celebrating after almost 6 months lol Oh well. We went to Toula Restaurant again (because Canoe was NA) and it was alright. The best part about our date, (other than our card competition in which he won) was our nightly stroll down the harbourfront. It was romantic. We talked a lot about things including our future together. Anyhow, I'm not gonna get into the juicy things because it almost made me cry :)
• Niagara-on-the-Lake Day - Jessica and I are really big show whores lol We love going to go see plays, musicals and all that jazz. We got really cheap tickets to this play in Niagara-on-the-Lake during the Shaw festival. Since it is a drive away, we decided to spend the day there shopping at Lundy's Lane and going on a cycling wine tour for the afternoon. It was a lot of fun but very exhausting at the end of the day.
• World Cup 2010 - I think Kay will yell at me for not mentioning this ....surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I'm not the type to watch or bet on sports but since this even only comes every 4 years, I thought "why not get into it?" and I did... after Brazil lost, I kind of lost in touch of the whole thing though. Nonetheless, there were several drunken nights with Ram, Lisa, and the cousin after watching the games. I enjoyed it and look forward to watching it again :)

Things I'm looking forward to:

• Vancouver trip with Jessica and Joo: I can't wait to go. We already booked our flights and hotel. I already know what we're probably gonna do :) I've been searching for places to go and restaurants to go to. I can't wait!
• Camping trip: I know, I'm such a city girl... and yes I am sooo proud of being one... so mother nature, please treat me kindly!
• Anthony's wedding: aaahhhhh I finally have a dress!
• Ram's bday boat cruise: got my other dress!
• Niagara Falls with the girls: It's gonna be epic!

And there it goes... my august sched!

Wow, I just read my last post... and yes, I was absolutely angry.

I apologize for my foul language.

This is exactly why I can't wait to leave this shit hole called "work."

I'm always at the bottom on fucken priority list and when I actually needed my supervisor, she was chatting with one of my coworkers.

I'm literally counting down the days until i leave this shit hole and leave all of this shitness!

No one does work here... how am i supposed to take this organization seriously when the management team only bicker about who manages who and how they can fuck who. Shit, it's pointless to be at an organization where the WHOLE company is dependant on ONE person!!!!
fuck you, fuck all y'all!

Best Mode - Days 25 - 27

Day 25

Breakfast: Iced tall skinny vanilla latte; Banana = 60; 105
Lunch: Spinach soup = 200
Snack: Blended tall iced green tea passion fruit = 100
Dinner: BP's strombolini and salad; 4 yaggerbombs; 1 pink lady; 2 crispy cream = 660; 836; 80; 210

Calorie Intake = 2251

Exercise = 1 hr hot yoga
Calories burned = 700

Calories/Day = 1551

Day 26
Breakfast/Lunch: half bowl of pho = 300
Dinner: 1 sausage; half hamburger w/cheese; 4 asparagus wrapped in bacon; 5 chicken wings = 286; 279; 720; 305

Calorie Intake = 1890

-------

So I'm getting really tired of updating this everyday lol I'll see how I feel later....

Beast Mode - Day 24

Breakfast: Iced tall skinny vanilla latte = 60
Lunch: McDonald's Mediteranean salad with crispy chicken = 290
Snack: Chinese ribs w/mushrooms and rice = 400
Dinner: Kelsey's Grilled salmon with onion wild rice; 5 wings = 580; 1700

Calorie intake = 3030

Exercise = None
Calories burned = zero

Calories/day = 3030

Uhmmm not liking this number at all! lol I should've listened to my healthy side and NOT ate five of Joo's mouth watering wings LOL oh well. Those were delicious and even though I did feel a tad guilty about it... I felt as if my hard work of working out really helped my metabolism... or so that's what me and my cousin says LOL

I realized that I need to eat some sort of breakfast. If not, I'm starving by the time lunch comes around... a salad is NOT good enough for just lunch. When I came home from work, there was zero food to eat and all I have eaten so far was the salad. Finally my dad came home with some ribs, desperate, I had to eat something.. but still wasn't full because I had to leave for Em's softball game. It kind of hit after the game... that I was really starving myself and in result, I eat excessively. Not good. I have to get back to regulating my eating and make sure that I get a breakfast within 2 hours of me getting up.

Hot yoga tonight =D