Lift this weight off my shoulders

I know I blogged earlier but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Lately, I've noticed that there has been quite a few deaths around Toronto. I mean, not people that I was close to but deaths in general.
I was reading The Star just now and found out that a 13 year old teen died unexpectedly from the H1N1 virus this morning. You can find the link here:
http://www.healthzone.ca/health/newsfeatures/swineflu/article/716657--teen-died-of-h1n1-health-officials-say?bn=1
Even though I don't personally know the teen, I feel this sense of pain for him and his family.
I don't know why and I don't know how. I just feel it. I feel like the whole world is slowly dying before my eyes and I can't do anything about it.
I think it all started in the summer. Here are a few events I have encountered:

• One day in software training class, my class mate just bolted out of the classroom, looking quite upset and emotional. I see him all the time in class and he was always so cheerful - until that one day. Another classmate, Marco whom I talk to often, also ran outside looking quite upset. Afterwards, I found out that my classmate's best friend who lives in London just passed away from an overdose of drugs in the forest. He was only 20 years old.
• A man was beaten to death by a group of guys in my cousin's old neighborhood over some territorial disputes. He was my age.
• My friend whom I've known since I worked at Athlete's World told me last week that a person who I knew back in the day recently died of cancer. He was just a year or two older than I am.
• two years ago, I came into the office one morning and found out that my HR rep had passed away that morning because of a car accident. Apparently the other vehicle was speeding in traffic (it was raining cats and dogs) and got away with little injuries.

No, I'm not depressed nor suicidal. It's sad how one's life can be lost in just an instant, especially when they're so young.
I feel like I need a good crying to remember these people who had families, friends, relationship and... life.

I have a lot to blog about today. I hope you're ready for a treat! lol

Day 1, 2, 3 & 4 of study break!

Day 1: As you know, I went over to Katie's to play some wii :)

Day 2: I didn't accomplish a whole lot that day except for eating a lot. Around 9pm, I felt kinda sluggish at home so I called Ram and Sam to see what they were doing. They were at Champions betting on some horses. As I felt soooo restless at home, I decided to meet up with them, regardless of what they were doing.
Ram wanted to go to the casino that night... Why not, right?!?!? I didn't have anything to do that night nor the next day. So after when we picked up joo, we headed out to Blue Heron. It was almost 130am and Sam & Ram wanted to go "pound some brews" before last call was done. We went to 3 different bars in Markham and all of them were closed!!!! WTF!?!?!? so whatever, we headed to Blue Heron.
Driving with Jay-Z's Blue print III album, I felt like this was going to a crazy weeekkkk! I remember when I was at York (and didn't have million and one things to do for school), Ram, me and Joo would go on these crazy random adventures at the middle of the night... aka - casino with kay; horseshoe with katelyn etc etc it felt sooo invigourating and liberal at the same time!
We finally got to Blue Heron at 3am. I didn't play anything but the guys played some roulette and blackjack. Joo lost his money in an hour, so we decided to head over to the restaurant to get a snack to eat. Everything was so expensive - BLT & fries for $6.00! In hopes that we would get big portions, we decided to stay. The hostess greeted us at the door and showed us our table. As we got there, she looked at us and said, "Go ahead and get your food. I'll be back with drinks later." We looked at eachother and thought, "Omg, this is a breakfast buffet!!" A little intoxicated, we excitedly headed over to the buffet section where they had every single piece of breakfast item you could think of - sausages, bacon, home fries (btw, are soo good!) cereals, toast etc... what made it even better was that there was an egg station where someone would cook any type of eggs you wanted on the stop - omlettes of any kind and toppings, fried, scrambled, sunny side etc etc any eggs! lol
so we scramble to get to our table to start eating... we literally at for a good 30 mins, only to stop to go get some food... we didn't even talk to eachother except for a 1 min conversation about our day lol
As we were getting full, we wondered how much this was. We easily thought 20-30/person... but found out that it was only 5.00/person!!!! such a great dealll! lol I was soo full afterwards that I barely move lol

This isn't a very good picture but of the buffet... this was me slowing down...

Day 3: I got home from the casino at 8am sunday morning. Jooyong called in sick because he couldn't make it to his 1pm shift lol tsk tsk so we headed over to Boston Pizza to watch the football games... it was actually me just sitting there, watching the guys watch football. I was so bored that I decided to start doing my hw lol
We went over to Rico's place.. there, I watched my Bleach :)

Day 4: Monday felt like another day of the weekend for me. I had some dim sum with my girl, Rhe... then headed home to clean up my room. After, I headed to a bodycombat&pump class... I didn't do much that day because I just wanted to relax.

Eminem's Relapse Album

Along with Jay-Z's Blueprint III album, I've been listening to Eminem's Relapse album as well. As you may know, Eminem was out of the scene for 5 years because of his addiction to valium. I wouldn't say it's a type of album that you would hear at a club... but it's definately an album that tells his story about his struggle to over come his addiction. It is quite fascinating - not to say that I find addicts like specimen on a research paper - but something more than that.
Ever since I took a course at York called Addiction in Contemporary Society, I've been quite interested in the study of drugs and how one can or can be proned (yes, that's right!) to be addicted to some sort of drug. It is quite intrigueing how the general society has this negative connation on addicts because they believe it's a choice. From what I've learned about this, it's not a choice. It's a choice for one to try and experiment and not a choice for one to be addicted to it. Anyhow, i'll explain later about what I mean in later posts.
Back to Eminem... I find that his previous albums had this sort of sense of humour like his first one.... his later ones were all about him and the pressure of the music industry and how he coudn't "take a shit in the washroom without someone starting" at him etc etc... with this one, it was almost he like he poured his heart into this album. you could really hear his struggle with drugs and how he's trying to cope.
I just love the lyrics. Have a look (sorry I tried to select a few lines but I couldn't; it's that great of a song!):

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fu-ckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
And the right thing for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position
I'm in I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to beat this pain
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Copy One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles

Walk my shoes, just to see What it's like, to be me All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Looking shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
OoOo They can all get fu-cked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo

They can all get fu-cked.
Just stay true to you I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fu-cking man servin'
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like that
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I
'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Wedding Stuff:

I was going through my cousin's design/wedding blog this morning (here's the link: http://yescinderella.tumblr.com/page/1) and I found this incredibly beautiful veil:

Isn't that incredibly beautiful?!?!?!? I went on to source that she stole this from (http://www.saragabriel.com/) and found such classy, beautiful peices! I also found this incredibly beautiful pearl along with headpieces:

I'm not the type to be very flashy nonetheless put anything in my hair but I just fell in love with this piece. I think I will have to get a series of these headpieces for my bride's maid as well as a gift :)

I don't know where my cousin finds all these wedding stuff but I love them! I can't wait until I get married (just the ceremony, not the whole relationship thing! lol)

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So I guess you're probably sick and tired of reading stuff... sorry I tend to blog a lot when I do blog. Ok, see you later!

STUDY WEEK IS FINALLY HERE!

This semester has been a tough one for me - actually for everyone in class. It seems as though the second semester is going by so slow compared to 1st semester. Last semester seemed like it went by like a flash with tons of things to do and work on. However, this semester has been quite the opposite - well no - we have so much more things to do now...!

But on a brighter side, i'm happy that's it's study week (aka reading week for you uni's out there). I can finally start and finish things that I was supposed to do such as:

• chill with my homies - Katie, Lil, Rhe, Kay & Rob
• work on my fitness everyday
• clean up my room
• chill with my mom
• new layout for my blog
• new blog for my design projects
• my re- grand opening of my restaurant!
• cook dinner for jooyong (& maybe katie!)
• & maybe, just maybe do my hw lol
• oh oh & I can now join the guys for movie night on tuesday!!! yaaayyy!

whoa.. when i think about it... that's a lot of things to do in a week! lol oh goodness.. sometimes i think i'm way too ambitious! or just really excited that i actually have some time off for change... or maybe because i'm scared that I have TOO much time off that I really don't know what to do with myself and the fear of me just staying home and doing nothing... yeah just scares me <----- hahaah omg, that was such a temporary break down of my feelings.. just because i'm scared of doing.. nothing? hahahahahahahah wow, I need to get out more! lol

at least i completed 1/4 of one thing yesterday night :) I met up with my home girl, katie (yes, this is your shout out katie! lol) we had some dinner at moxies by fairview... i never knew that moxies was such a busy restaurant (esp at fairview) until now. I mean, it kinda sucks. We waited 45 mins for just a table of two for either the lounge OR the dining room yet it was still packed. But it was ok I guess, i mean, the hostess gave us the detector thingy -a-jing where it vibrates when they have a table for you. It was kinda funny because when she gave it to us, she said that we were "allowed to go anywhere in the mall - except for the lower level & anywhere pass the guest services desk" wtf!?!?? that's not anywhere in the mall! hahahaha ok whatever... we were just surfing around the mall, went into a couple of stores... we went into sephora and found their beautiful lash lines

(ps, you can't click to enlarge because I stole these images off this website. They have really pretty and extreme lashes for Halloween - in which, i'm quite excited forrrr!!! )

After dinner yesterday, we decided to go back to Katie's place to play some drunken wii. I had such a blast! We finally reunited with our rockband! lol and played some baseball. I also tried out the wii fit for the very first time! I loved iiittt! I think i'm gonna buy it.. but joo said that there's not point of me buying it because I pay for a gym membership... booohoooo

Anyhow, that's it for me! I hope everyone has a great week! I shall see you, home girls some time this week! *tata!

ps. if you've been craving some more blog readings, here's dorkkly's page =)

perfect-bound

Shorty is like Bonnie to my Clyde

A couple of weeks ago, Jooyong downloaded Jay-Z's new Blueprint III album (along with Eminem's Relapse album)... I started listening to his album and I have to admit, the album is really really really friggin' awesome!!!!!! I can't even explain in words how much I love it!
You would imagine that Jay Z would be washed up now.. especially since he's been in this industry, rapping and all for more than a decade.. but nope! he still has his swagger!
When he dropped his first single, DOA (Death of the Autotune), I absolutely fell in love with it! Then it was Run This Town with Rihanna... lastly, Empire State of Mind with Alicia Keys....
If you like his releases, his entire album is like this... different sounds, different beats.... everything is equally good!
I'm personally hooked on songs such as Thank you and On to the Next One. One to the Next One is also produced by Swizz Beats who I adore as well which makes this song soooo gooooood!
&& you now his song is pretty awesome when you want to go to NYC just because of a song! hahaaha like, c'mon... who wouldn't want to go to NYC where "all the dreams are made of!" lol
&&&& it's so cute when he mentions Beyonce in his songs.. he refers to her as the wife, BK etc etc... awwww now that's sooo romantic!

Even though I hate Beyonce.. ok maybe not hate.. tha's a strong word.. ok maybe yeah hate... It kinda sucks how one of my favourite rappers is married to someone I hate :( I personally think that he can do better... but when I thought of this.. I was like.. seriously? Who is BETTER than Beyonce??!!?!?!?!? She's a friggin' powerhouse! JayZ AND Beyonce are their own powerhouse entities.. so with them together, they're like an explosion of the highest grade of nuclear power! They just don't go boom.. they go BOOOOOOMMM PPOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! hahaha
&& they look soo friggin' hot with eachother! ssheeessshhhh

- - - - - - - - - - -

Request from my cousin to blog.. here it is! Lately, I don't know what to blog about? Everything has been the same ol' for me... school, homework, joo and work. I rarely have a social life... and yeah - that's it lol
How about I write randomly about stuff... I usually jump around from subject to subject so try to keep up with me ;)

Me & Lil - taken summer 2009

Lilian's birthday is next week!! wahooooooooo! My lil-a-boo is turning 23! Do you know what this means? We've known eachother for 10 years now! Well, maybe 11! We met when were in middle school in grade 7... I think that's 12 years old, right? yeah yeah, it is!
hahaha I remember we spent sooo much time together! We were desk buddies for 2 years... To tell you the truth, what I love about Lilian is her generosity and kindness to others. She is truly a genuine person. If you ever meet her, be privileged to have met her =) She is one of a kind. I heart you :)
On to her birthday festivities! I'm excciiiittteeeeddd! especially because:

1. We're going to hot pot... Even though I'm not a hot pot fan, I excited and anxious to have it! lol maybe because I never go out to hot pot... My mom usually makes it at home so it's probably quite different!
2. Her birthday is close to Halloween so we are obviously dressing up up :) I just wished that we were all able to dress up as a SWAT team together... but this year, i'm broke :( def next year! =D
3. All of the girls are gooiiinnnnngggggg!!!! waaaahoooooooooo! i'm sooo exciteeeddd! When I mean, all of the girls, I mean Re, Kattie, Kay, and of course, lil! wahooooo!
4. Continuation of #3 - I am determined to get a beautiful picture of all 5 of us!

Hmm speaking of birthday festivities.. I wonder what KAY will be doing for her BIRTHDAYYY!!! huh? huh?
I'm not joking! Kay, you better do something! and I mean it!

I think that's it for now. Don't be surprised if you see another posting today lol

Until then.. tata!

Bleach

My new favourite show. It's actually really really really good! If you were into Dragon Ball Z or even Sailor Moon back in the day, you would like this one. It's a very sophisticated anime show...
Looking at this in an artistic standout, it's friggin' amazing!
The main character is Ichigo - the one with the orange hair - but i personally like the badass red head ;) lol

So I guess I'll blog about my Thanksgiving weekend... It started Friday night, having dinner with Joo's parents... His parents don't speak english so Jooyong had to translate for me... but he was terrible at it. lol I literally sat there, getting drunk on wine with his sister lol
Saturday afternoon, I started making our family turkey dinner... for the first timmee! ;) It came out really well! it didn't turn out dry at all! =D
Saturday night was such an epic fail -_- It was sooo trashed with only 1 bottle of wine and a few shots of disaronno... boohooo I am officially a light weight -_-
Sunday, cleaned up the house and just went over to Joo's at night...
Monday... cleaned up my room then headed over to Kim Kim's for dinner with the guys...
I had quite a relaxing weekend although school was constantly yelling at me to do it! lol

I'm absolutely broke nowadays but my shopping list keeps getting bigger :( I think the only thing I really want this year is a tablet. The other day, joo and I went to best buy to check out this new screen protector for his iphone that is supposedly really good (and quite expensive). As we were looking around, Joo pointed out to the tablets.... I was really tempted on buying one but realized that the one I wanted was way too expensive. He offered to buy it for me for my bday... and I'm quite considering it... but not sure if I should ask for a winter jacket instead. or or wait until next year to get the latest model. Right now, Bamboo recently came out with a "touch" tablet... where you can use your fingers to navigate through your screen - great technology - but I already have these touch features on my mac already so i'm not sure if it's worth it for me.
maybe i'll buy a really cheap one with play around with for school and once i'm getting serious with all the programs, i'll upgrade myself to a $2000 one but we shall see =D

The other day...

I was driving through Main St. Unionville. It was a beautiful cloudless evening. The sky was shades of purple, orange and yellow. This sort of rustic, antique emotion came over me. That was when I appreciated the colours of the autumn breeze.
As I passed the railway tracks, I noticed a couple, followed by a photographer, walking down the tracks. It gave me this warm feeling that I have never felt before. I thought to myself... that this would be a perfect place for engagement photos.
I think I'm getting to that age where everyone around me is growing up! This is the age where everyone is either in their last years of school and is getting ready to graduate or has already graduated and started/found a full time position at where they want to be in their life. We grown up.
That scares me.

On to something new... It's been about a week since I blogged... For some sort of reason, I only blog at work, well, because... 1. I'm bored 2. This is the only time I get to recollect my thoughts and surf the net freely without any stress of homework, homework and more homework.

sidenote: On the topic of homework... I do apologize to all my friends who hasn't seen me since school started. I didn't know that the workload for this program would be so tough on me. Even though I won't see you as much as I would like to, I will for sure be in contact via fb (of course), twitter, and texting if you need me. && I will definately reorganize my schedule for all birthday celebrations! that means that you HAVE to celebrate your birthday this year *ahemkayahem*

Anyhow... frig, I absolutely forgot about what I was supposed to say prior to the side note... damn! haha i'm horrible.. my thoughts are all jumbled up now...
ok... so since I haven't seen you lovelies in quite some time, I guess I'll categorize my life thus far... I'll start off with:

School:
Yeah, so it's been hectic so far.. I have tons of things to do every single night. I just finished a project for a promo card for the ROM which I find was easy yet complicated at the same time. Other people's stuff in class has been quite excellent!
My next project is a poster for a shakespeare play. I think I'm going to Romeo&Juliet. I think that reflects my personality a bit more...
I'm thinking of starting a new blog that features my work. I don't really care of people take my ideas or not because all this stuff for school doesn't really count anyway. But most importantly, I'd like feedback about my work.

Boyfriend:
If it weren't for his support, I think i would've gone mad.
We've been really strong these past couple of months... I would say stronger than ever... Our 4 year mark is coming up :)

The non-existant social life:
Last weekend, I wanted to go to Nuit Blanche but due to my sickness, I couldn't go. I stayed in and watched some bleach with joo instead. It's ok, I heard it was shit anyway.
Surprisingly, I don't even want to go out any more. Sometimes I just want to snuggle in bed with my laptop and simultaneously do homework, go on rc and watch bleach at the same time lol I know, I'm such a nerd *snort snort lol

October:
I can't wait! October is usually the time where Lil plans her bday.... & the next week is Kay's.... and then it's mine, Rico's and Sam's, not to mention xmas, new years... and BAM! a new semester starts and the cycle goes around again!
This is usually the month where every thing goes by in a flash for me.

So i guess this is it. I really wanted to blog about this one topic but I couldn't find the appropriate pictures for (very key). Until then, have a lovely day my loves! =)

****edit edit
I absolutely forgot to metion about my time at the gym! lol this was the topic I was supposed to blog about earlier haha

I think it was two weeks ago... that I tried on this beautiful, very sophisticated dress at le chateau... when I tried it on, it didn't fit me :(
At this point, I came to the realization that I need to work out more. I need to dedicate my life to a lifestyle that keeps me healthy and active... especially because I want to fit into cute dresses and clothes.
I've been going to the gym ever since. I notice that my bodypump class has helped me to become stronger. It has also toned my muscles a lot more.
Yesterday night, I was showing Joo the new moves I learned from my bodycombat class. (They integrated this dragon ball z move which I find so funny lol) In the same class, they make us do pushups right before our cool down. I wanted to show Joo my push up form to see if I was doing push ups correctly. I usually do the "girly" pushups where I'm on my knees... I was about to show him that but then he was like,
"Why don't you do it the normal way... start off strong and work your way up... because that's the only way you can go!"
Well, he didn't exactly say that lol he only said for me to do the push ups normally but the expression on his face told me that I can do it and that if I try hard enough, I will suceed my goal.
I go on the floor, started to do push ups. I showed him the push ups where I go half way down, up, fully down and then up again.
He then challenged to do as many push ups as I can (no cheating!) so I go on the floor again and counted... 1..2..3...4......5.........6........7! phew! It might not mean a lot to you but 7 pushups for me was a huge accomplishment! Jooyong was very proud of me... and I think that's where the motivation starts.
From now on, I'm going to work on my pushups every night, regardless if I go to the gym or not. My goal is to increase my number of pushups by 5 every week.
I love going to the gym now. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I go. I feel a lot stronger. Even though my weight hasn't changed, I feel as if my body is getting trimmer and a lot "neater." This is my motivation.

"When a woman hits a certain age, it's only natural for them to consider plastic surgery"

really, huh? only natural?

naturally... because there is no such thing as woman being NATURALLY beautiful at ANY age.

I was looking through youtube today and came upon a 90s make up tutorial that began with that. wow!

That is all.

[ PISS OFFF!!!! ]